Can You Do It Today?
Today I had a sad, angry, frustrating moment. At lunch with my friend of almost 2 years, he picked up my driver’s license as I was paying and mentioned that he didn’t recognize me in the photo. I was 40 pounds lighter. I was younger. I replied that he knew me then, and he mentioned that he had “never known me when I looked like that.” It wasn’t a mean spirited or hurtful comment, but the truth. And it STUNG.
For so long, I’ve held on to the fact that I have lost 60 pounds. I did it. I still share it as a fact about myself. But the truth is, I put on 45 of those pounds back. And they have been here in some sort of capacity for almost TWO.WHOLE.YEARS. And I look different. I’m not as thin. My face is in a constant puffy state. My ass is bigger. I experience frustrations that I had gotten rid of. My fantasy is that I just look a little heavier, but the reality is that I am once again overweight.
Sometimes I get incredibly overwhelmed by the fact that I am having to do this work all over again. But the bottom line is, I can’t quit. I have to continue chipping away. If it takes me one month or one hundred years. (God, I hope it doesn’t take 100 years)
I realized in December that I’m no longer depressed. I wake up on time and can easily get back into my morning gym schedule. I don’t dread going to my job anymore. I love my apartment and my friends and my home. There are always going to be things like cancer and drugs and breakups and anxiety that make ice cream seem like the best decision. But at the end of the day, I want this for myself. I can’t give up my goal because life isn’t always perfect.
I discovered this blog the other day, I think through Meredish, called - Can You Stay For Dinner? She uses the question, Can You Do It Today?
“With 100+ pounds to go before I reached the finish line of weight loss, it was very easy to become discouraged when I looked at the big picture. I just tried to get through the day feeling my best and knowing that I just kicked Monday in the pants. Sometimes I thought, “Oh my God, I can’t eat another egg white omelet for breakfast and not have a Reese’s McFlurry ever again.” But then I asked myself, “Can you do it today, Andrea? Just today?” And I could. That question made each day manageable.”
So for the past few weeks, I’ve been asking myself that question. Can I do It Today? I’ve made it my alarm label. I’ve asked it when I pass the candy dish at work. When I started my period the first day I was planning to go back to spin class. When my friends order wine or dessert. When I want to stay late at work to finish one more thing. And I can do it. I have been doing it and I will keep doing it. I did it before and I can do it again. One day at a time.
I can do it today.
